Maintenance

We are all different yet all the same. I know, yet another dichotomy. When it comes to quitting most of us will do so for a while until some crisis or impetus, unknown, comes along and knocks us off balance. It is then in which we find out just how stubborn or weak we are.Notice I didn’t say “strong,” in relationship to starting again. If strength is what you have to say no then bravo to you. Most of us, however, need time to grow resolve against taking another drink, toke, shot, what have you. Finding sober company and cutting relationships that were negative is really a must. At least until you are on your feet again and for quite a while.

I have been tempted more than once but I have a flag that says NO in my brain now. To support the NO I have disciplined my mind by watching in technicolor, slides of who I used to be and how much I felt sorry for that person. It strikes us in different ways but this is my way. My way is not the highway. You are you. I am I. (I know, improper use of possessive nouns.)

There is, at first, no way you think that you can not have another drink after a time sober. After all, it was this or that that made me drink. I am over it so I am good to go drink again; carefully if I am aware of my limits. This is the stupid aspect of our disease and the sooner this is understood, deeply, the sooner you can have a better life. No, you cannot drink again because your physiology is changed and your brain will never be the same again. All changed due to excessive use of alcohol or whatever your substance of abuse was. If you poor paint thinner on an oil painting the painting will be changed and probably will never be able to be put back to its original status. Your brain is also subject to paint thinner in the form of alcohol so remember that oil painting because once the damage is done your brain will NOT be the same.

However, your brain might be better despite your alcohol customization, because quitting enables discipline and the lack thereof is what got you in trouble in the first place, didn’t it?

OK, enough for one day. To finish up I learned again to love water. Just pure drinking water is more than enough because getting high makes me stupid and my family deserves far better than stupid of me. Right???

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