Sobriety

Once I was as sure as possible that I was over the deleterious phase of self-annihilation I found myself wondering what would come next. From being drunk to being sober leaves a vast plain of uncertainty. It is a dangerous geography to be in as just a breath of wind from the wrong direction, and unexpected, can tear down the fragile barriers a person must construct to keep out temptation. One then realizes that nothing has changed but that one needs to deal with life’s vagaries in a different manner.

When I say, “nothing has changed,” I am speaking of influences on a persons psyche. Getting over it, as is oft times muttered, is about as stupid a phrase as has ever come down the pike for an addicted person. Not only is the physical state of an ex-addict open to temptation but the mental construct of that person is as fragile as a fine vase in a tornado. When both mental and physical constructs of a human being is fragile disease has no problem reasserting itself.

For me, it was starting to write again, and it was not easy, to absorb my mind in order to hold at bay temptation. I had actually gotten in my Jeep to go by a bottle of vodka when I saw a huge NO in front of me. Seeing those two letters turned me around in a split second. I turned to motor off, pulled the key from the ignition and came back inside realizing that I had dodged a fatal bullet. It was then that I sat down at my computer, figured out how to build a website on a server, and I have never looked back.

Writing got to be a habit for which I was grateful. Thus, Inkohol. That was almost fourteen years ago. Clean and sober without a single meeting with AA is what I was able to build. I managed to do this by reading the bible, praying to God, and actually receiving assistance on my mission to become, not sober, but myself again.

Drinking makes one a different person. Personality is the first change of addiction. You see through the same eyes and that can fool a person into thinking they are the same person. They’re not! They are addicts and the brain changes to accommodate the new phase of life. An unnatural phase of life. It is not easy but the reward is great when you see yourself in the mirror and not the stranger inhabiting the skin that used to be yours. It is that drastic.

Views: 7