Life After

OK, so, it’s been almost a full eleven years since I was hospitalized so what is it that has kept me from falling back into drinking? This is a question I ask myself quite often and I find no good answer for it. Instead, I get a myriad of responses to filter through so it occurs to me that it is not just a single thing.

Alcohol is a habit that matches other dependencies as to its causation and response. The effect of creating a singularity is not possible as every addict is different whether it is physiological or psychological. In my case it could well be that a fairly lousy childhood had to a lot to do with seeking surcease in drink. Being as how getting high put me in an insular place or dimension in which no one else could penetrate. I believe the express, “alone with my thoughts,” is one way to put it. Whether that was true or not I was not alone in my actions and everyone around me suffered from my singularity. What a maroon!

My life now is still somewhat singular and it always was and always will be. As a young man I was vry social but as I got older I wanted little of being sociable; alcohol or no. Writing back here in my office, if I’m not working to maintain our home and property, is what I prefer but not to the exclusion that it was when I was drinking. I love speaking to my wife and children and knowing what they’re up to and my wife and I have a relationship I wouldn’t trade for life itself.

Of course, having my right mind back is wonderful and that alone may be the peak of what being sober is. Alcohol changes one’s mind and thus ones behavior in diabolical ways. It makes love an enemy and responsibility a pain. It is devilish in this and that may be who has an unwanted influence on one who is caught in that whirlpool. If a person is habitual it is the devil’s playground and that you will not hear in AA or other self-help institution.

Finally, it was prayer to have a defense against restarting drinking that brought a response for me. It is my belief that God through His Son heard and provided a thing I could not have done for myself. Feel free to take or leave that last.

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