Not a Drunk

About a week ago I rather laid out a day in the life of addiction. I was hesitant to write this at first as it is an admission of personal consequences issuing forth from an addled mind. Once written it felt as though it were truth and truth is what bonds all of us while lies are what tear us apart.

I fancied that I would write this as self-help by familiarity that anyone who has a drug or alcohol problem might read and get a different viewpoint concerning their “new found” habits. That is, a habit of slowly destroying oneself for no good reason other than lack of ability to see clearly and act upon that vision. Seeing in obscurity is kind of peaceful for the one in that hole. All one sees are the dirt sides and you have to crane your neck to see the sun. It seems warm and comfortable at first then you realize that the hole you’re in is a potential grave. Granted, you save the money of funeral costs but then there is no one to throw the dirt in on top of you so you can’t avoid the buzzards. Buzzards don’t mind getting down in that grave because they can always fly right back out after a tasty morsel or two . . . or three.

What is it like getting sober after all of the irrational mental discourse from being down in a hole? It is sweet, in a word. It is fresh air while standing in the wind on the coast. It is hearing the gulls cry as they glide over your head and the waves crash on the rocks casting ocean spray on your face. It is nirvana in a non-eastern way. It’s kind of nice to.

Once the mind becomes rational again it is time to make amends. Time to lower your personal expectations because you are now back to the basics and not cruising on some dream cloud of being above the fray by being out of your mind. A mind is a thing that needs nurturing and the only food it needs to regrow is peace.

Raucousness is the last thing that mind wants but raucousness is exactly what that mind is used to. It never liked being raucous. Instead, it liked being focused on a task and it didn’t matter what that task was. As simple a task as drawing a face on a piece of paper with a pencil would do or replacing a washer or the whole faucet. A thing you couldn’t do while higher than the Goodyear Blimp. A thing you put off as unimportant when there was whiskey or vodka to be consumed. Priorities change when you become a basic human being again. Basic is what you were looking for in the first place. Side trips away are for vacations, not life.

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